I figured out this week that the times I feel most like quitting are the times that things are likely coming together. Wednesday night I was completely overwhelmed by the idea of proposing a conference paper. I was struggling with the format, feeling like my ideas were too simple, feeling like I’d never know the Faerie Queene well enough to write about it, etc. etc. etc. Then I did what always worked for me in classes: I talked about it (always the verbal processor). I actually started by telling my husband all the reasons I thought I should probably quit working on my PhD, and that turned into telling him my ideas, and that turned into feeling more confident and having a good outline for my conference paper proposal.
I’ve got a draft of my proposal (really an abstract, though I spent half an hour trying to figure out the difference between the two) that I’m sending off to my advisor tonight. I send in the actual proposal before April 18, and should hear back by May 2. This would be my first national conference, and I feel really lucky that my family is willing to be dragged along to Italy if I get in. Mostly, it feels good to know that other people are interested in questions I’m working on, and it doesn’t hurt that the conference paper would likely become a part of a chapter (or be expanded into a chapter). For all this cheeriness, though, I’m sure I’ll spend much of the next weeks anxious that my ideas and writing just aren’t good enough. Tonight, however, I think I’ll celebrate with beer and chocolate.
1 comment:
A really interesting insight into your process. I will have to keep my eye out for the same process in my own muddled head. I can't wait to find out about the conference. I've thought of submitting for ASECS, but it might be out of my league at this point. I'm going to ask my supervisor about it.
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